A note from Kelly King: In the past two days, I’ve had conversations with leaders who have asked me how to confront others in their sin. Whether we personally need to confess our sin or we need to walk through the process with someone else, Kaye Hurta provides some steps leaders should consider.
There is therapeutic value in acknowledging one’s wrongdoing. There is therapeutic value in naming your wounding and even identifying the message of the wound. In fact, for emotional healing to occur, all three need to happen. But if we want to facilitate soul and spirit level healing, we need to engage in the scriptural practice of confession. James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much” (NASB).
Not all hurt is a result of sin we have committed. Some is. You can do great harm to someone by assuming that the reason there is pain or difficulty in her life is because of sin. The best way to determine the root cause of someone’s hurt is to:
- Listen well to her story
- Listen for personal ownership
- Ask gentle, leading questions. For example, if you sense there is something she needs to own and she can’t see it, you could ask, “Is there anything in your situation you could have done differently?” or “Is there anything about this situation you need to own?”
- Pray that the Holy Spirit will open her eyes and convict of sin. That is His job, not yours.
Once she identifies the need for confession, help her with the process.
- Have her specifically name what she has done that needs confession. (Make a list on a piece of paper or a white board.)
- Help lead her through the actual process of confessing in prayer and asking for forgiveness.
- Explain the value of her receiving and walking in His forgiveness.
- If she needs to confess to a wronged party, help her by writing it out first.
There are beautiful examples in Scripture of individuals confessing personally and some confessing on behalf of a group or nation. These are beautifully, healing moments in Scripture for us to model and live out. If you are ministering to a woman hurting because of sin in her life, I pray you are able to gently and tenderly lead her to the sweet place of confession.
Kaye Hurta has a Masters Degree in counseling from Liberty University and is a crisis counselor for Women’s Events through LifeWay Christian Resources. Whether speaking, singing, or listening, Kaye’s passion is to help others find intimacy with Christ and soul transformation through the living pages of His Word. Kaye met and married her husband Chris in Austin, Texas in 1987. They have two daughters through the miracle of adoption, Madison and Cami. They live in the Chicago burbs where they are both on staff at Willow Creek Community Church. Kaye is also a contributing author for the LifeWay resource, Women Reaching Women in Crisis.