A Note from Chris Adams: Listening to moms may change the direction of women’s ministry. If we really listen to their hearts, we might decide to change the way we seek to reach and disciple them. Our guest author today is Deb Douglas, minister to women at First Baptist Church, Bossier City, La. She gives us some great tips about how to listen and respond to moms.
By Deb Douglas
As a women’s ministry leader, I have discovered how easy it to lose sight of the needs and challenges women face and of how messy life can get. I can become more focused on filling up my calendar and marking things off my to-do list. To remedy this, I have learned to spend more time listening. I listen to women of all ages and circumstances; I make notes and lists of important information I have gleaned from these conversations.
Below are two lists I recently made after listening to moms. The lists are based on informal group discussions with moms of varying ages. One list is from the perspective of young adult mothers and what they want their moms to know. The other is a list from the perspective of their moms and what they want their daughters to know.
What young adult moms need their moms to know:
- I’m stressed! Balancing work, home, children, and church gets on my last nerve. I work all day and then come home to ball games, dance practice, cooking dinner, and homework.
- I’m overwhelmed with life. Feelings of inadequacy and failure are my constant companions.
- I want to be accepted as I am. I’m imperfect. Everyone around me seems to have it all together, but I’m imperfect, and I don’t know how to get to perfect. I feel inadequate as a mom. What will my children remember when they are grown? An exhausted, stressed out, mess of a mom? Or the mom who squeezed in time to read the Bible with them?
- I’ve got issues. I’ve got struggles. My life is messy.
- I worry about the future.
- I don’t like to cause drama, but I just do.
What moms need their young adult daughters to know:
- I am stressed with work, family, and church. I can’t keep up!
- I am overwhelmed with life. I’m sandwiched between generations. Caring for elderly parents and being a mom and a grandparent is too much to balance.
- I want to be accepted as I am. I don’t understand all the changes to my body; where did all my energy go? I want to be loved as I am, not who I use to be.
- I’ve got issues. Issues I’ve never talked about or faced.
- I worry about the future.
- I don’t like to cause drama, but I just do.
Notice something? The list is lived out differently at each stage, but the items on the two lists are actually the same. As women’s ministry leaders, listening is the only way we can succeed in ministering in effective ways to moms. The challenge is slowing down enough to focus on what women are saying and not saying. Here are some listening tips:
How do we listen?
- Listen with your heart attuned to the speaker; listen for understanding.
- Pray, asking God for ears to hear and a heart that comprehends.
- Listen to a variety of women, not just to women who look the same (age, race, economic level, marital status, etc.).
- Listen to what’s said via social media posts; women speak between the lines.
- Listen to the unspoken words.
- Listen without any preconceived notion of what is going to be said.
What do we listen for?
- Listen for words that indicate a need for more information.
- Listen for words of desperation.
- Listen for challenges and unmet needs.
- Listen for clarification; ask questions as necessary.
What do we do with what we hear?
- Keep it confidential.
- Follow up when red flags are raised to discover if she is in an unhealthy place.
- Take time to talk further to discover needs and challenges.
- Recommend resources for help.
- Pray with her and for her.
- Design events, small groups, and activities to meet the needs discovered from talking with moms.
Listening takes time and a commitment to be still. Listening works best when the mouth is closed. That is a difficult challenge for most of us. But the insights received from listening are worth the time and challenge. So listen up. Surprising information and understanding will be the reward.
